The Gazette

Have I done any mistakes recently? I'm not sure. What defines a mistake anyway? I refused to start anything for reasons. Was it a mistake? I think, not. Things changed. Lots of 'em. Anyway, it's good to hear from you today. But I'm not sure if I can reply the same thing. For that, I apologize.

Things are slowly falling back to places and I thank God for that. Work, work, work; good thing to keep me miles away from unwanted distractions. For all time's sake, I'm being myself. I don't pretend to mirror anything but me. I don't write to please anyone. I just write what I feel. I'm a proud Muslim. But some may say I don't represent Muslim, even if they saying they are and dressed like one, but sorry to say, you're not. As a good Muslim, you don't criticize others. Stop crapping and get back to your work. The beginning, is not important at this moment. What I feel and what I have around, it counts. I'm not a good singer or writer, but I'm good enough to handle. I grew from dusty places to where I am now. I wasn't born and been raised in a rich family. My mum taught me with canes, my dad taught me with his belt. I ain't a genius. I don't need beautiful people to make my life beautiful. Beautiful souls. That's all that matters :p I don't want to be choosy, but I have to. I push people, just to protect myself. My feelings. I don't waste my time to please people. I do things because I want to. I may just a puppet to my dad but that's another story that shouldn't be told. (Even I already did on previous posts lol) I'm writing about myself, just because I don't wanna seem too sexist. I'm not being sexist. But what I've been through years ago until today, makes me one. I can be the most friendly friend you can have, or the worst freak you ever met but trust me, I won't be your greatest enemy. I'm not a good enemy you see. Forgive, sounds good to me. Forget, I'm not sure I could. Time heals everything. I'm not waiting for anybody but chances to take. I like to see men crying. I think its beautiful. It's not worth your time to think why I think like that. I don't drink and alergic to anything that give out smokes; including shisha. But I love candles, both scented or not. I used to collect stickers, and dump my old diary cuz I think its stewpid. I hate my childhood hairstyles, but I don't regret of having 'em. I lost all my best childhood pictures to I-don't-know-who. My favourite album has been stolen in Masjid Jamek Bandar Baru UDA. It sounds silly, but it happened. All the pictures are gone but the album. I use to ride this one car by a stranger, and don't ask me why. I just cracked my phone's screen. I think it's pretty cool. But sadly, it's my dad's. Shh. I don't know what am I good at. I love to try new things, just the half way of it. I'm scared of crowds. I think I can tragically die in the sea of people. My imaginations are dramatic. Sometimes it goes overboard. It's beyond my power to control. It's the only friend I have when nobody's around. Don't freak out if you find me talking alone. I'm not crazy. It's the only way to keep me from being one. I'm a psycho lover. I kill people with words. I don't do instruments. I wanted to learn guitar but my dad asked me to go for piano class. I was pissed. Since then, I just don't give a shit about it anymore. The person I love the most has left me. I was lost for years. I was naive, or still. You tell me. She's the only person I can talk about everything. Ever since she passed away, I just crap to anybody I want to. I'm used to it. It's something I can't resist. Sometimes, I forgot what I said earlier if you ask me on the next day. That's normal. Meaning, I don't really give a damn about it. Soon, I'll be entering my 20th. I don't know what the future brings, but I believe in God. He makes no mistakes. Just strive your best and tawakal. Sometimes, I talk like ustazah wannabe but what the hell.

I'm just a small girl with big dreams.

P/S : Partially congratu.. to you, Penyu. Stay green!! Ngeee :DD and also a shout out to Una Banana. HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY!! Have a great one and God bless. Sincerely, Barbiegirl :p Haha #dead