Fragments

I don't know what have gotten into me last night, sorry for the emo tweets people. I know, wrong timing. You see, I always feel like writing something but I can't find any way to let it out. It feels like I want to strip down everything into words and clear things up but for sometimes I feel like it's not the right thing to do. But sometimes, I feel like it. But you know, I don't want to strip anything that might put me in regret. I'm through with doubts. Still mad as hell, can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should. But I think I still can handle it, even though both Zaza and Fathin has been my victims for these few nights, non stop listening to my crap and such. Oh well, who else would it be? Haha sorry guys. Hiding things won't solve anything, honesty is. But we just don't have the guts to face what's next. But seriously speaking, I'm too tired to squeeze my brain just to figure it all out. I have so many other things to do rather than sit and wonder but things just don't work out. I started loosing my focus. Things flow just the way it should be but my time is running out. It's now or never. I know my hidden looks can be deceiving, but how obvious should a girl be?

Even I may on my not-really-stable-mood but I think I am stable enough to write things. Just trying to seek some mood before I start my Comm Research paper. Mid terms coming up and I still feel like I studied nothing but research and storylines. Going to start shooting our music clip during the break, July 18 insyaAllah. Will be touring around Bangi and Kuala Lumpur. We're doing Yuna's for our music clip. For that, we've sent our proposal to have Yuna in our video but sadly, the song is owned by Libresse. So, we can't use Yuna unless we change the song but due to some stuffs, we decide to stick with the same song. Seriously, I don't think I'm all that ready and prepared to face reality. Alam dewasa sangat tak best okay, kanak-kanak. I don't think I'm going to get married anytime soon. Maybe I'll end up just like her. But I don't think Abah would agree with me on this. *sigh

I have this dream; to live with my own things. Having my own car, my own house, my own business, supportive partner in such age is my main goal. But being too realistic is unconciously negativating my mindset and limiting my dreams. No matter how realistic I try to be, the truth is, I always holding back to where I've been. Sounds stupid but I need real things to hold on to. The real world out there, the future, is scaring the hell out of me. Sometimes I feel like giving up. But I ain't that person that easily give up but I need people, friends and family to survive and chase the shadows away. I'm not trying to be lucky but to be blessed! Some says time is a healer. But in a house that no one speaks, things just, fucked up. Say something, anyway.