Many might say, I'm the bad one.
Well, sure is.
Label me with whatever you want.
I can't stop you.
I have my own reason. There's no third person. There's no other pressures. Maybe I'm not really a good lover. It's just not fair to him. Dear Afiq Syakir, you're the finest creature that ever come into my life. Thanks for your absence, for all your care and your unconditional love. I'm sorry for my behaviour, for being no respect, for all the unpaid sacrifices, and for every wound that's bleeding. I'm doomed. I really really am. I just can't stand it, seeing you like that. It hurts me so fucking bad, Sayang. Please, don't be like that. Seeing your tears, it's killing me softly. Having some conversations with Bha, knowing what's happening, it's quite a big hit on me. But I get what I deserved. And I'm ready for all the hatred that will come in my way. I'm doing this for your own good. I'm just not good enough for you. Sorry that I can't love you like the way you do me.
I love you, and I don't lie. But it's just not enough. So, I'm letting you go. Sorry for all those stupid reasons that I came up with. Yes, I lied on that. Yeah, many might misunderstood on that, but, whatever- that's not the point. Not to forget, thanks for the final date. I may seemed all calmed and heartless, but the truth is, I was crying inside, and still am. But my ego conquers it all. I know, I hurt everyone around you as I'm hurting their beloved friend so friggin' hard. But I don't care what others want to say about me. They're not you, they're not me. They know nothing, they feel nothing. They see nothing but all the facts that I am the one to blame. Maybe they got the point, but I just don't care. It's you who I care. This is why I'm telling you all this. I don't know what am I doing. I may not fully ready for any commitment. Let me be honest, I'm scared. I'm scared of anything real. But by being scared, doesn't it means that you are on to something important? And if you're not scared, you're not taking a chance. So, I'm taking a chance. And by taking a chance, I might get all my doubts answered one day, InsyaAllah. And I think everyone deserves some times to themselves. Being alone, it sucks I know. But that is when we discover who we really are, and what we really want. I want to appreciate things, not only by words, but with my whole heart. I know, nobody likes to be alone, and this is why I'm all here if you need me. You won't be loosing me as you will always be my good buddy, Kilat.
It's a mistake, I know.
I may regret it one day, but let me.
I wanna do this mistake.
I'm sorry.
I love you.
You're just too good to be true.
And literally,
I don't deserved someone like you, Muhammad Afiq Syakir.
(2 months 11 days)
**November 9,2010
Well, sure is.
Label me with whatever you want.
I can't stop you.
I have my own reason. There's no third person. There's no other pressures. Maybe I'm not really a good lover. It's just not fair to him. Dear Afiq Syakir, you're the finest creature that ever come into my life. Thanks for your absence, for all your care and your unconditional love. I'm sorry for my behaviour, for being no respect, for all the unpaid sacrifices, and for every wound that's bleeding. I'm doomed. I really really am. I just can't stand it, seeing you like that. It hurts me so fucking bad, Sayang. Please, don't be like that. Seeing your tears, it's killing me softly. Having some conversations with Bha, knowing what's happening, it's quite a big hit on me. But I get what I deserved. And I'm ready for all the hatred that will come in my way. I'm doing this for your own good. I'm just not good enough for you. Sorry that I can't love you like the way you do me.
I love you, and I don't lie. But it's just not enough. So, I'm letting you go. Sorry for all those stupid reasons that I came up with. Yes, I lied on that. Yeah, many might misunderstood on that, but, whatever- that's not the point. Not to forget, thanks for the final date. I may seemed all calmed and heartless, but the truth is, I was crying inside, and still am. But my ego conquers it all. I know, I hurt everyone around you as I'm hurting their beloved friend so friggin' hard. But I don't care what others want to say about me. They're not you, they're not me. They know nothing, they feel nothing. They see nothing but all the facts that I am the one to blame. Maybe they got the point, but I just don't care. It's you who I care. This is why I'm telling you all this. I don't know what am I doing. I may not fully ready for any commitment. Let me be honest, I'm scared. I'm scared of anything real. But by being scared, doesn't it means that you are on to something important? And if you're not scared, you're not taking a chance. So, I'm taking a chance. And by taking a chance, I might get all my doubts answered one day, InsyaAllah. And I think everyone deserves some times to themselves. Being alone, it sucks I know. But that is when we discover who we really are, and what we really want. I want to appreciate things, not only by words, but with my whole heart. I know, nobody likes to be alone, and this is why I'm all here if you need me. You won't be loosing me as you will always be my good buddy, Kilat.
It's a mistake, I know.
I may regret it one day, but let me.
I wanna do this mistake.
I'm sorry.
I love you.
You're just too good to be true.
And literally,
I don't deserved someone like you, Muhammad Afiq Syakir.
(2 months 11 days)
**November 9,2010
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