Wednesday 14 July 2010

Me, Against the World

Wednesday.
Everything was perfect. Everything was fine. Everything was a fairytale.

Sunday.
Rumors started buzzing into my ears. I don't know how to deal and I'm still figuring out how I should respond in certain situations when these parts that I hate the most appear. Smiling, still.

Monday.
Lies, that's what I'm dealing with. The night feels so long.

The truth is I am done pretending. Too much time, I'm tired of defending. Feels like drowning myself. But I won't as it's just my fictional mind playing its role. It is almost always true that the hardest thing to do is to recognise your faults. We forget that we are all not created as perfect as what we think we are. Barely handle all emotions and conquer all fears. But each of us has been created with unequal amounts of ego and that is the biggest hurdle one needs to overcome in order to move past our own internal barriers.

What hurts the most, has been so closed. It hurts so bad and can't be compared to any other, until the next one hits. This week has been a tough one for me. I am still learning to accept the new chapter in my life, and starting all over again with everybody around as well as with all the new things come, I stumbling a little bit every now and again in order to understand every new features, when deep down inside, I do feel, empty.

Along the way, I discover things about me which I don't fully understand and in some case, never crossed my mind before. It's all a process I believe of getting to know myself and stumbling in the dark, with no one besides.

He wrote it all down perfectly. In a way, it's agreed. So once again, please, leave me alone. Forget me, and move on.

One thing for you readers have to know, I NEVER regret of anything that passed me all these years. I did once, but it has nothing to do with neither of you people. She passed away when I was in Form Two. Eventhough she's not around and be with me like she used to, but she always with me, forever in my heart. She's my true love. As I believe, Allah love her more. May you rest in peace, my Beautiful.

In the end, I think I need some changes to make. Thought of making some space for new characters and new goals to be achieved. And I can't be thankful enough for having all my friends around. Thanks for keep on reminding me, everyday, every minute, every second. I know I have to forget what I have to, move on like it's the last hope I have. Even though it will be a bit more of a challenge than I would like, it's for the best.

I'm sorry.

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